you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
