video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
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