Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
