omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
