u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize