i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
