listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
