Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
