Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
