I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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