You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
