did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
