My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I need to calm my uterus...
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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