hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
