Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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