I will die if light touches me.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I came so hard my ears popped.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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