you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
