So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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