Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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