he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
