she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
