I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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