hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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