textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
