Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
