Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
