I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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