Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
