her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
