God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
