You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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