That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
