One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Congratulations! We have a period
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
