what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
try to milk me bitch
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
