I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
