Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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