so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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