i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
