the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
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