Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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