She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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