somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
