Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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