ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
