between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
