so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
