So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
