Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I want to fling myself into the sun
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
