That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
