I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
