If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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