Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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