Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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