girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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