Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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