I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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