I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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