I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
