When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
