? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
