Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
