Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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