All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
