is your mom at the bar?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I'm bleeding and have questions
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
