It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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