she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
