Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize