Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
