He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
