It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize