I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
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