Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Randomize