Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
